I watched the first 3 episodes of The Biggest Loser. Mostly because  I like the show but I also thought that it would be rather rude to show up at one of their races (attending one later this month!) and not be current. I know that I shouldn't like the first week but it is often times my favorite. Not only because you get to meet all of the contestants and begin to learn their different personalities but, and I am not going to lie, I like watched the trainers push the contestants until they throw-up. Not that I would like it if my own trainer did it, but I like it all the same. In the midst of this seasons first work out one of the trainers said something that really stuck to me, "Don't allow yourself to act anything less than you are capable of". Often times I watch the first workouts and I tell myself "I can do that". Then I remember my workout from last night. I was on the elliptical, not something that I was used to doing (I am more of a treadmill runner) and I "over rode the system" making the work out easier for me, because I thought I could not do it. I wasn't overheating, I wasn't throwing-up in a bucket or collapsing on the floor. No I did it because I thought I wasn't capable of doing it. I find myself taking the easy way out everything lately. I have set up on this mission of completing a Half-Marathon next year, something I am totally capable of doing. So why am I so scared? Am I addicted to being the victim/failure (another good quote from the show)? No I don't think that I am addicted to it, I just think that this is a role that I am used to playing. One that I thought I had concured over a year ago when at my last physical I meat my weight loss goal of 50 pounds, only to gain most of that back. I think that during the rest of the work outs this week when I get to that point of wanting to "override the system" I will do exactly what the trainers told the contestants to do, don't talk, don't think, just do. Hand, foot, hand, foot. or in my case foot foot foot foot. Who knows? I might even surprise myself.